life in university.

 31.08.2014--- The day that I officially left my hometown. I saw my friends broke down into tears when she hugged her parents, but I didn't. KLIA is definitely bigger than Miri Airport, and I almost got lost in it, But thanks for the signboard, we somehow got out of the airport safely, but NO UM staff is to be seen. So we waited for hours, then finally the staff arrived. and after hours and hours of waiting, the bus finally came. It was quite a distance from the airport to the university. they say KL is well developed, but it's somehow different from what I thought. I was the first one to got off the bus as I'm staying in the first residential college, and somehow I'm the ONLY ONE in the bus that stayed in the hostel. TT I waited there for the senior in my college to pick me up, I expected they to be friendly, but i was greeted with a plump guy with a stern expression. Though I was a bit nervous, but I still managed to say:"Hi."。 But speaking the truth, I'm terrified by his look , he looked like he's a tough one. Then I was greeted by another three seniors, two guys, one girl. They asked me to fill in some application forms before I get to see my room. Okay, here comes the highlight. I must say, the moment i enter my room, I was really disappointed. Somehow I didn't expect the room to be this old. Put aside the facilities, the floor tiles looked like those toilet mosaic tiles. Duhh. But what can I do, I'm gonna stay here for one year, so I'm just gonna deal with it. I was the first one to arrive in my room, so like it or not, I get to spend the night alone. Then, before I could realize it, the tears already started to roll down my cheeks. I miss home, I miss mom, I miss my dad, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss Miri. It was after shower, my mom called me. I thought I could pretend that I was okay. But my mom knew that I was crying, that was when I decided to let it all out. It's only the first night, and I already feel like want to go home. I wonder what will happen to me next?

01.09.2014-06.09.2014----- Orientation started. I must say making new friends is a lot harder than I thought. Of all the freshies here, 80% were graduated from matriculation, which in turn says that they were younger than me by one year. Okay, fact accepted. Since most of them graduated from matriculation, so some of them already knew each other, and what happened next? They form a pack. And I'm like the only Alien there, sitting alone, do all the stuff alone. But it was only for the first three days. I managed to meet some new friends, but not really like best friend kind of best friend. It's kinda hard for me to open up to someone I just met, and it's even harder for me to fake to laugh at jokes they told, which is not funny at all. Not to say some of them are really mean, especially the popular girls, So I rather be alone, than mix with the wrong people just to make myself seem less forever alone. That's not me. The conclusion is, it's really hard to meet someone who can be genuinely nice to you, so for me I'll just do my part well. Albeit the girls and friends stuff, the orientation was rather fun. I love the facilitators, how humourous they are, but they could be really strict as well. This orientation week is definitely gonna be the days that I wouldn't forget for the rest of my life. I managed to join the choir team for my college, and luckily we won the first prize! LOL. never expect this at all. There are some hot facilitators that I saw, and when I say they are hot, they are literally hot and cute! But due to my introverted personality, I wasn't able get to talk to them. I wish I could a little bit more braver, to be the first one to speak, instead of sitting there and envy those who can mix with others easily. =(

08.09.2014-08.09.2014---- Class started. My course has the least intake of students of all the courses under faculty of medicine, guess what only 17 people in the class. LOL. But this makes it easier for me to mix around, though some of them are from different states, different religions, but i'm really glad that we can mix around really well. And I'm really surprise that there are three sarawakian! Finally i met someone who's from the same state as me! It's easier for me to mix around with the sarawakian. LOL. Oh yeah, and we have assignment and presentation as soon as the class was conducted. As much as I hate it, I need to finish it on time. Haiz. Hopefully I'm able to pull through this 4 years. this freaking 4 years.

忐忑，不舍

倒数六天。

倒数六天，我就要离开这个我爱的城市，到另一片土地去求学了。

长这么大，还是第一次到那么远的地方去求学。

此刻的心情真的很复杂，既紧张又忐忑。既期待又不舍。

紧张，因为我不知道我会不会在大学里遇到一个能够与我无所不谈的知己。

这几天，老妈一直再三叮咛我去到那里要戴眼镜识人，不要轻易相信别人。

果然，长大后的世界真的很不一样。

长大了，你会发现大部分的人都是自私的。不会有人会天真到不计较回报为你付出一切，每一个人都是自私的个体。在一个这样的群体生活，对别人有所保留也许是最好的自卫方法。

也许，长大教会我们的就是连最基本的信任都不可以轻易给人吧。

不舍，是因为我要离开家人，朋友还有这片充满回忆的土地，去到一个陌生的城市。

 “外面的世界很精彩，外面的世界很无奈。” 出去见见世面固然好，但是只怕自己无时无刻都在想家。想念妈妈的唠叨，虽然大部分时间我都觉得她的唠叨很烦人。想念因为作弄妹妹而白眼我的那一刻。想念跟朋友一起出去，一起互相吐槽，一起讲黄色笑话，一起笑到像个疯子。

如果我在那里讲黄色笑话，我看我应该会被人认为是个不折不扣的色女。lol!

我知道我不该把升学看作是个很可怕的事情。我也希望自己能够在那里交到真心的朋友，开心地度过那四年。=) 大家一起加油吧

afraid

And here i am, sitting in front of m blog, writing about the stuff that i'm busy with lately.

I'm trying to prepare stuff that is need to enter the university, and last week had been a really hectic week for me. I went out in the morning, and come back in the evening, been outside for the whole day. Went to the bank, the clinic, shopping malls, it's really tiring. Somehow I'm glad that i'm have almost settle like 80% of the matter. Now what i need to do is to bring the documents to the school and have it certified by the principal. Well, actually i have done this last week ago, but i came back empty headed. The school secretary wouldn't sign it for me, as they claimed that my documents were too thick and they were only able to sign 10 pieces only. I was like wtf, what's wrong with you? and they even ask me to bring all my documents to the district office and ask the superior there to certify it. FINE. Lousiest school ever. You're not the only school in Miri what. ==

And just one week more, I'll be leaving this little town. Words can't describe how i feel, neither i'm happy or sad. Well maybe 51% of my being feels sad. I think i will miss the people here, the food here and the time that i have spent in here. And  I'm afraid of how am i going to adapt with the environment there. Lots of worries. sigh. But this is all about growing up. and I'm not going to complaint about it. Just that, I'm still afraid. I really hope that i can survive through the four years. Fingers crossed.

time flies.

Remember few months ago, i complaint how much i hated the jobs that i had, and couldn't wait to stop it? Well, i couldn't believe, how fast can the time travel, and it's now August!

And yesterday was the last day i'll be teaching the kids. Part of me wished the lessons would end quickly but part of me felt sad. 

It seems like it was just yesterday, but i have been teaching them for 8 months. LOL, totally unbelievable. This is the first time i ever worked, and i remember how hard it is to keep the kids' mouths shut, how frustrated it is when they get marks below your expectation, how angry you are when they just forget what you taught them. Well, no matter how hard it is, it is all OVER now. I'm kinda relieved that i manage to pull through these months, and though it was really frustrating at certain points, but still i will forever treasure the memories that i had with the kids. =)

Being able to sit down in front of my lappy and wrote update about my blog, is such a blessing. I mean i'm on the edge of neglecting my own blog ever since i work, i got no extra time to spare, and i'm swamped by worksheets and stuff. And i am able to take a break now! feel so good for being able to be able to put my foot down for a while. 

I don't know why, but i was constantly reminded of the past old days. Like today's weather remind me how i would follow my mom's to the town and have some ice kacang after school few years ago. When i indulge myself in some novels that i recently bought, i was reminded how i spent a few restless night constantly reading TWILIGHT SAGA. When i take a stroll around the area near my house,i was reminded how i  would walk home with my friends after a session of badminton practise, cursing the teacher who scolded us for not playing well. When i see a group of teenage school house walking past my house,i was quickly reminded how me and my friends would walk together to the restaurant nearby and had quick lunch. Those are the past old days that I had, and even though it seems like a tiniest matter ever, but it was the halcyon days that i missed the most, and i  really did. There are times i wish i could go back, and be the girl who worried about nothing. When you are still a small kid, you wish you can grow up faster and do things that only adults can do. But when you are already a grown ups, you wish you know how to time travel and stays forever a child.

counting down.倒数

Counting days to the day i stop working. I'm not going to lie that i'm not excited at all, in fact i'm overly excited. And then i will have time to do my own thing, go to places i want to go and meet the people i have not meet in ages. That's just beyond awesome. But the truth is that i will have to leave my home soon and go somewhere else i study, which till know i have no idea where i'm heading. But It's going to be announced sooner or later. Being a 20 year old girl, i have never been outside Miri, ALONE, staying at places i might never been, and stay in a room with people i don't know. The thought of living under the same roof with other people does make me shrugged a little bit. I'm not saying that i don't like the idea of staying with other people, but somehow i'm not really fond of it. But what can i do, all the freshman have to stay in the hostel, i guess i will take it as a challenge then. Life just doesn't act in the way you want it too, and the best way to deal with it is to cope with it. Well i do hope my room mate is decent ones. finger crossed.

Well, you can see i have posted a picture of books on top of my post. I really think that  reading is a good way to kill time. OMG, lol i feel like i'm writing academic essay when i say that. LOL. But seriously being able to indulge myself in the world of words is just amazing. It's like when i read, i imagine myself being there, witnessing things that happen in the story. It's just beyond words. =) So try to read more people, it's a good way to cut down your stress.

When you are bored, you will find that even the lamest things in the world will turn out to be a funny thing to you. Recently, there are friends of mine on facebook posted photos and news regarding the so called 'artist' from the 'red people' company. Actually i have no interest on such thing. But when you get bored, and you have nothing else to do, reading gossips could be nice thing to do. Haha! Frankly speaking, I'm not really a fan of these people, and in fact i feel that they are the Malaysian version kind of Justin Bieber. LOL, immature and disrespectful. They say they are artist, but i don't see any good and talent in them. Hmm,i wonder how long will they be an artist since they have so many haters. LOL. we will just wait and see. 

reasons

     It has been years since i first established my own blog, and I really can't believe that it has been ages. I feel like it is just yesterday when i first started to blog.And of all the followers i had, i think i'm the only one who continues to blog, despite the fact that we have other online APPS which is better than blogger. For instance, instagram, where u can just upload bunch of photos and you don't have to write long essays to describe how u feel,what u do today,like what people always said : A picture tells thousand words. Yes it might be true.But it's never going to be the reason i abandon my blog.I mean this blog holds a lot of memories of mine, be it a sweet one or bitter one.

   I still remember the first post i ever write for my blog is actually dedicated to a crush of mine. Expressing how i was deeply and madly in love with him but he didn't know about it. The fact that i wasn't bald enough to tell him how i feel, had make me regretted so much. But i guess, there are things and people that are not destined to be ours. And though i might regret, but i'm contented with what i have right now. =)

doing the right thing.

        I wonder did i do the right thing. feel like something's wrong, but i just couldn't tell what it is. There are times i think that i have made the wrong decision, i should have thought about this more carefully, will it be too late to regret? :-(

Happiness.

        Finally i get a day off from my busy work. As it's a schooling day today, so i don't have to give tuition to my students. and it is such an amazing day to me. Somehow i still need to prepare worksheet for my primary one students, as they are having exams next week, which was a headache for me. But then i came to realize that whatever grades they get , i have done everything i could to help them. only now i realize that how hard it is to be a teacher, and yet i used to be the one who sit comfortably in the chair and complaint about my teacher. I am truly sorry about my bad attitude. I should have put myself in your shoes before i make any judgements. Guess im experiencing the karma right now. lol!

        Just when i drove myself home back from work yesterday, i tuned in to a chinese radio station hoping to hear some classics chinese songs. But it turn out to be a interviewing session with a singer,James who's from england but started his singing career in taiwan, he can speak decent chinese and he has a cute accent, well i think it's cute lol . I thought it will be a boring session so i kinda want to change the channel, but then the dj started to ask some questions which caught my attention.

" I heard that you have gone through a hard time when u first started your singing career in Taiwan. And why would you switch your career, since you can make ransom of money with ur previous job." asked the dj.

      He hesitated a bit, and started to answer the question. It was his answer that deeply intrigued me.

        "erm. There's no doubt that my previous career provide me a lot, but then i wasn't happy back in England. I have been indulge myself in musics whenever i feel stressed or unhappy, then i realized that being able to play guitar and compose songs would make me happy. Thats when i realize that life's too short to spent most of your time doing something you don't like. Then i take a risk, to quit the job and flew to taiwan to venture myself into music." he replied.

     it was a simple answer. But it definitely made me think a lot about it.

      Some people define happiness as money and wealth. But some people see it another way round. And James is definitely the latter. His happiness is being able to indulge himself in music, to be able to sing, to convey his messages through his voice and lyrics in the songs he composed.

        I am a simple girl. I do not know how it feels like to be genuine happy, neither do i know how happiness looks like. because when i feel happy, at the same time im worry about something else. I really respect James for his courages to pursue his dreams and chase after his happiness, i would rather would say he has make his happiness come true. we never know how much it takes to make the decision.

         Then it makes me realize that sometimes happiness are just few centrimetres away from us. And it all depends on us, whether we have the courages to decide. To decide a decision that can change you for the rest of your life.

hard.

        Being a teacher is HARD. I know being a teacher is never easy, but i never thought it's going to be this HARD. Especially when you have kids who don't listen.

        There are times i feel like want to give up, but then i have no choice but to give myself in to the situations. And what even worse is how people judge you based on your students' performance. Fuck this society. Everyday i heard parents talking about their kids' grades, comparing their kids and grades and stuff like that. Come on, please la. Get a life la.

         Enough with the complaints. I still need to get back to the real world tomorrow. Its time to learn to suck it up. How i wish july and august could come faster.

        
        

what life has for you.

        it's been quite a long time since my last post. I've been too occupied to post anything in my blog here. Life has been very busy for me, actually when you need to prepare teaching materials for kids of all ages. Now i wish july could come faster, i can't wait to have holidays of my own and time to do my own stuff.

        One of my friends have flew to Singapore to pursue her dream with aid of fully sponsored scholarship. Really glad to hear that, and i really hope that she's able to achieve what she wants. While some of my friends are busy with their work, as most of them are working now so we barely even contact each other. But then im sure they are as fit as a fiddle. Speaking of which, i feel like a middle aged woman now. I have no idea what i want to do, everything seems boring to me. I needed a break i guess that's why i couldn't wait for july, well. i hope at least i have a one month break to settle all the things need to be settled before i go to study somewhere else. or else it's going to be freaking frustrating.

          Many people have asked me about the course i have chosen in university. And i have come across numerous awkward situations whereby people have doubts on the course or programmes i have chosen. Some said that you should take courses that provide wide range of possible careers when u graduate. Ok, so here's what i wanted to say. i choose what i like, and if any case i have chosen something im not suppose to choose , i have myself to blame, and stop criticizing me. its my future and I'm not going to spend the rest of my life doing something i don't like. urgh. But some people just don't understand, whatever. the world would be a better place if people stop  being stereotype.

        This afternoon Just when i went shopping with my mom just now, i was really surprised that iban songs are being played in the shopping mall. Only then i realized that Gawai festival is just around the corner. I have no idea what has prompted me to forgot all these important festivals , but then if im still a student  im sure i will anticipate gawai as much as i could like any other iban friends of mine. But now, i feel nothing at all. Perhaps gawai is just another working days for me.  well i guess things and people do change, like friends become strangers, lovers become each others exes, enemy becoming your friends. Guess you'll never figure out what life has for you eh.  and it's just me being the old me, being the only one who cares.

lately

    Life has always been the same routine these few months. It's all about waking up, marking students worksheets, going to work and sleep. However, I'm lucky enough to indulge myself in the novels that i bought, it makes me realise that my life is not that boring after all.

    Someone has asked me do i miss school? Erm, well part of me missed it, somehow part of me is satisfied with the life now, And part of me is still struggling with my own future. Here i am, standing, wandering, making choices, and still don't know which path i'm going to follow. But i do know, no matter which path i'm choosing, it's going to be a rocky one. I have hoped that my life will be a smooth sailing. Like a stroll in the park, u get to enjoy the breeze and the sunset, it's been a life i have been dreaming of. But then, people say it takes rain to make rainbow, and no pain no gain, guess that's what life is.

    When i'm struggling to make choices, some people don't even get to choose what they want. I guess I should be thankful for what i have. I may not be the famous girl who always got the attention, and I'm antisocial sometime, a geek who prefers to stay at home and a nerd who is more comfortable when hanging out with people who's closer to me. I'm weird i know, but i know my value, and that's what matters the most.