goodbye, halcyon days.

        Just few more weeks then i will be officially saying goodbye to my school life. I thought i was going to be happy, but in the end, i feel lost. I don't know where I'm heading to after this, it's like heading to the road of uncertainty. Afraid of changes, afraid of meeting new people and afraid of losing someone who's really important to me. Sooner or later we all will part on our own ways, and throughout the journey of life we meet new people and tends to forgot the old ones. i hate saying goodbyes and i hate separation more. Time flies, and one and a half year just gone, like that, in a blink of an eye. it's really annoying to say goodbye, but still all the best for all of us. Do not lose hope easily throughout the journey of achieving success. Do not lose yourself to obstacles. and i will always remember the time we spent together :) lots of loves.

back to reality

    when someone give u a slap in the face and ask you to wake up, don't hesitate to wake up. Because there are times u need to stand up and face the reality. It is cruel, but it teaches you to be strong when nobody else is on your side. you might feel like crying, so it's okay to cry, as it is a process of growing up. There's always a huge gap between ur world and fantasy and reality, and it's always there. Im the one who's stupid to ignore what's already there. i have no one to blame, it's my fault for being so naive.

heartstrings

      you pull on my heartstrings, and yet you never realized it.

      you are the one who make my everyday special, and yet you never realized it.

      you mean the world to me, and yet you never realized it.

       i have been dying to let you know, but afraid of knowing the answer, i stepped back.

      courage is what i need, but still i am too timid to say it out loud. so here i am, writing to you and knowing that you probably never going to read this, but still  : hey, i think i like you. <3

     

tired.

     Never thought that the time is passing so fast. It's almost year end already. I still remember the time i first got in this school and couldn't stop cursing at everything about this school, but now that my journey has almost come to an end already, and i think I'm going to miss my school life. the exams is just around the corner, and as much as i hate it, i need to face it anyway. ggrrrr. am so mentally exhausted. :-(

“人，总是要到了失去的时候才懂得珍惜。而有些感情，非得等到那个人不在了的时候才懂得领悟。”

examsssss

what's the last thing u want to face in your list? for me, it's definitely exam.Nobody likes exam im pretty sure of that, and i hate it to the max. i feel burdened and under pressure. That shitty feeling when u feel like u have plenty to revise and yet the exam is just around the corner. God damn me, i should have revised earlier. GGrrrr, i have no one to blame on except myself. what to do, this is what u get once u do not learn how to discipline yourself. k, need to do some revision now.  byee

感触

        前几天看了姚拓的 《墙头上的小红花》，感触良多。

         有时候，我会想活着是为了什么，我们活着要做什么才不会显得一无四处。再过几个月就要毕业了，我连我自己以后要读什么都感到非常迷惘。我害怕未知数、我害怕变化、但我更害怕我忘了活着的目的是为了什么。

        就像那墙头上的小红花，它是为了谁而开放？那人生又是为了什么？

        “为谁开放？谁也不为。为了开花而开花，开花本身就是它的一生的目的。那么，做一个人又何尝不是如此！”

        其实有时候，不要想太多也许是一件好事。

有时候

     小时候，我会为了一个玩具争个你死我活,也可以因为没有吃到想吃的棒棒糖而紧绷着脸。

     我会为了自己喜爱的卡通跟哥哥争电视看，结果到最后是自己哭着去找妈妈告状。

     小时候，我爱骑自行车，所以总爱霸着自行车，不给别人骑。最算妹妹怎么哀求我教她骑自行车，我都以没有空为由拒绝她。这样一来，我就不用担心没有自行车好骑。

     还有小时候总会在面包车经过家里的时候，嚷着老妈给我买着买那的，然后抱着一整袋的战利品，笑得跟一个傻子似的回家去。

      已经十多年了，但是这些点点滴滴我都还记得。不是因为那是什么特别的回忆，而是我觉得那时候的我，是最快乐的。

      人长大了，脑子里就会有许多的想法。总是在想有一天我要怎样怎样的，有一天我要什么什么的…… 小时侯，我们会为了一个炸鸡腿而高兴一整天，但是现在我们不会因为一餐温饱而感到满足。是我们变了？还是社会变了？

     长大了，思想变得更复杂了，这其实不是什么一件坏事……只是，有时候，我真的很想回到以前，做回那一个快乐的我。
    

fed up.

    There are times i wish i could be invisible so that no one would ever see me and annoy me. you may not know you have agitated me, but in my heart i wish i could choke you to death. If only staring could kill, you will be dead for countless time already. Never did someone in my life has ever annoyed me to this point, and tell you what, you are the first one. I have had enough of your drama, and like seriously i wish you could rethink how your attitude has annoyed others. If someone says he or she don't like you, it might be their own problems, but if all of the people loathed you, you should seriously get a mirror and see a reflection of yourself la. People have boundaries, and if you people be nice to you, make sure you watch your steps and do not ever cross the boundaries. I personally believe in karma, and hope karma will treat you right.

blood donation campaign :)

        So as usual, i reluctantly went to school and keeping my fingers crossed that i won't got fuck up today. I mean who knows shits happen, and i eventually got myself into a big trouble. That's the last thing ever i wanted to happen in my life, not in this school, where maniacs and pyscho gathered. lol. Ok so back to the title, our class were told that there will be a blood donation campaign next Wednesday, so i raise my hand without any hesitation that i wanted to join this program. I have always wanted to be a blood donor, but too bad i wasn't eligible to donate blood as im not old enough to do so. Though i have seen blood donation campain being held in the local supermarket but i was too timid to go myself, i mean i was alone, and donate blood without my parents consent, that is just too much, you know my mum is never a threat to me, but when she's serious, she can be a lion. now this time, the opportunity has came to me, and i know i should dare myself to do this, you know i have always wanted to help people, and it's somebody's life that you are saving, what is even more blessful than this? This time, i decided on my own that i wanted to join this, I'm a grown up, and i am doing things that i have always wanted to do. and hopefully I'm healthy enough to donate my blood, or else im going to be so devastated. lol, well, hopefully. :)

i just want to spend time alone

     A typical Tuesday, had everything planned, not sure whether I'm cursed or what,  there's always something or maybe someone who came and ruin the whole plan. Ok fine,  whatever I'm cursed so don't go near to me, u might ended up being cursed too.

      I wonder is there any cure for  laziness, I'm getting lazier by each day, finding all sorts of excuses to not to finish my homework,  like seriously I'm hopeless. I told myself not to be lazy but old habit dies hard,  so what to do? There's no one day I live with no guilt, oh I think I'm gonna die. Seeing people live their lives to the fullest makes me wanna cry of jealousy somemore,why can't I just be one of the girl who enjoys her life to the Max?  It's not like I don't like my life, but somehow I feel empty,  I have friends whom I love so much, but still I'm feeling empty. I need someone or maybe something that can motivate me, ggggrrr.

        I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a person who got envied easily, so when I look at you, it makes me feel like I'm nothing compared to you. You have everything a girl would die for, like almost everything. So I couldn't stop myself from admiring you. I wish I could be like you, but judging from who I am, I knew it's impossible. I knew my extent, and I know how far could I go, to be someone like you takes a lot of effort and persistence, thats what I'm lacking off. People said be it the fat belly, saggy body and chubby face,  eventually you will find somebody who don't really care at all, OK maybe that's true, but how many guys would  want a fatso with ugly face as their girl friend. Face the truth, life is a bitch and it always will be. thats how realistic guys are. OK enough With the grumbling ,time to do some house chores to kill time. Bye bitches.

I fucking hate homework

      Tell me how not to feel guilty when you had procrastinate for almost a freaking week? Somebody. Tell me pls, I am feeling freaking guilty now, fuck. OK I know I'm not supposed to whine  here, but who tell hell would want to spend their holidays with piles of  homework and assignment? I know some people couldn't live without homework, but trust me I am definitely  not that kind of person. And what is more devastating is when you know that you have exams waiting for you when the school starts next week. WELL  WELL let's see we have another thing to be added to the list liao, I fucking hate exams and homework. Why we have exams why can't We just study and then enjoy learning new things instead of being tortured to death for your lousy academic performance as people couldn't stop judging who you are based on your result? That is just so irony, not that I'm trying to persuade  people to give up their studies, but somehow studying is not about memorizing facts from text books, I mean everybody can do that, everything is given,   so what do you expect? Well, all I could say people have different pov regarding this matter,and you know what they are mentally sick . Well, let's hope they have a bright future. Despite the facts that they don't even know how to be a normal people, well they can't be normal they are just a bunch of kiasus who know nothing other than memorising facts from text book. I give you my empathy,  and I sincerely hope that you would wake up from that dream of yours, that being top scorer is everything in your live. You are dumb, for real, you are really dumb. Nahhhhh, can Somebody tell me why is this GO keyboard so fucking hard to use? Keep on having serious typo ah. Asshole.

旧梦依稀 往事迷离
春花秋月里 如雾里看花
水中望月 飘来又浮去
君来有声 君去无语
翻云覆雨里
虽两情相惜 两心相怡
得来复失去
有诗待和 有歌待应
有心待相系
望长相思 望长相守
却空留琴与笛
以情相悦 以心相许
以身相偎依
愿勿相忘 愿勿相负
又奈何恨与欺
得非所愿 愿非所得
看命运嘲弄 造化游戏
真情诺诺
终于 随乱红 飞花去

期盼明月 期盼朝阳
期盼春风浴
可逆风不解 挟雨伴雪
摧梅折枝去
凤凰于飞 翙翙其羽
远去无痕迹
听梧桐细雨 瑟瑟其叶
随风摇记忆
梧桐细雨 瑟瑟其叶
随风摇记忆 

the dream man.

i was often asked what kind of guys would i like to date with, and guess what, the first thing that ever came o my mind is EVERY HOT HOLLYWOOD stars you can think of.you know la Hugh Jackman is definitely on the list, Chris Hemsworth, Jason statham, Vin diesel, Dwayne Johnson. It's not difficult what's common in them, as they are all muscular guy! yes, im not afraid to say that i like muscular guys, like SO MUCH! *drooling. xD

well, physically, i like guys who are tall and have a well build body, it's better if you have muscles, but then if you don't have, its ok, don't be to skinny or fat. A little fat is good, but not too much. hahaha i sound like im buying meat at market.  Errr from the aspect of personalities and attitude, i like guys who love animals, a guy who is caring, and hardworking as well! and he must not be over thrifty and selfish. i mean what kind of girls would want selfish guy as their boyfriend?

But when the time has come, for you to fall in love, all that you cared about, don't matter anymore. He might be the baddest guy and with the lousiest attitude, but still you love him. All of these may seem nonsense, but one day you'll know. and here i am too, waiting for the mr right to come, to explore the answer together.
:)

give and take.

We know that we are always encourage to give rather than keep on taking from others. Whatever that is, who else in the world would constantly give away without hoping anything in return? There might be some people who can do this, but sadly human being is a selfish creature, being selfish is what they are good at. It is always a courtesy to appreciate someone when they offer us something, be it the smallest thing in the world or whatever it is, we should be thankful and feel blessed. But there are people whose greed has empowered their thinking, they keep on asking for more, they take without having a thought of giving back. You know people shouldn't have treat u good, but when they did, it's time for u to give back. Don't take them for granted, u know they are not obliged to be nice to u, if u don't appreciate it, you will be losing them one day, and it's just the matter of time when thag happen.

Monday blues.

        Blue is such a beautiful and vivid colour, isn't it?

         i mean like there are beautiful things in the nature are blue in colours, for instance, the ocean, the sky... it's all blue! :)

         But when Blue meets Monday, it became a disaster! yeah, what im trying to say is that i have monday blues! I always have monday blues, but today is a serious one. There will always be one day in your life, a day where all the shits happen at once. so yeah, the term 2 results will be announced tomorrow. Such a pain in the arse. I know how i did during the examination, so i know shitty things will happen tomorrow. yeah fuck u, and fuck everyone else. I screwed up.

        But whatever, im still me, but let me be emo for now. Once i feel better i will be me again! lol. funny. ==

Any little things.

Be thankful for any things that happened in your lives, for they happened for reasons. Be thankful for anybody you come and stay in your lives, you know there are times they could just leave you and go but they stayed. Be thankful for those who lend you a hand when you are in a dire situation, i mean they know they don't have to do so, but in the end they still help you and hoping nothing in return. Be thankful for those who scold you for any mistakes who have done in your lives, because this shows that they care.  Be thankful for those who discriminate and look down upon you, as they actually drive us to be a better person in the future. Be thankful for those who loved us, for their love is worth than anything else in the world.  everyday,I am trying my best to learn in every way i could to appreciate every little things that happened in my life, even if it's a simple meal, i should be thankful that there's actually something clean and edible that goes into my stomach. I know im much more luckier compare to those who don't have things to eat. So, be thankful, things happened for a reason, and sometimes u learnt something from it.. :)

comfort zone

People used to say that life only begins when you learn to stay out of your comfort zone. and frankly speaking, i might seem a bit crazy, but then in real life i am actually quite timid. I have fear of meeting new people, and i hate the moment when i got disgraced for getting the wrong answers or saying the wrong things at the wrong times. i hate it when people said i was wrong, and i hate it when people talk like as if they are always right. I hate the idea of meeting new people, and im always contented with my social circle.  I guess this is a sign that i haven't step out of my comfort zone. I always complaint things don't turn out right, and never realizing the fact that things won't always turn out the way i want because i want them to turn out the way i want. I hate fitting myself in the new environment, but i never realize that it is actually a process of growing up, see how well could you adapt to the new environment. I hate meeting new people, but i never realize the fact that these people whom i claim as strangers could actually be someone who teach us new things in life. i loath those who are selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, but i never realize the fact that i should thank them instead, as they make me realize that not to be a pain in the ass no matter what happen. Before this, i used to think that everything should work out the way i want, i want people to obey me. But then that was so silly la to be honest to tell, lol. Hahha, But then i promise myself i seriously need to step out of my comfort zone and learn to absorb anything like a dry sponge, the eagerness of learning something new.No more backing off, no more coward, no more dramasss. be a butterfly that breaks the cocoon, spread its wings and fly :)

planned vs unplanned.

a classmate of mine literally asked me whether i would planned everything for myself in the future so i would just follow exactly what is being planned in the plan. I might be someone who has a lot of ideas, but i am definitely not the one who got everything planned in the future. I am not trying to say that getting everything planned is not good, but then life is not what as we know it, life is full of variables, and you never know what is going to happen next, and let say if you are a rule abiding people, that will be a huge disaster for you, i mean letting those variable ruin your plan, that must be something terrible for them. Don't like the ideas of getting everything planned doesn't mean that we can't actually have the idea of planning something we want to do in the future. getting everything planned is boring, but then planning what you want to achieve in the future is good, but you shouldn't go over the edge to have everything in your life nicely planned. Life isn't about planning, it's all about all the ups and downs, it's about all the unexpected things that happen in life which sometimes make u want to smile, get angry at or to cry over it. that's life.

lost.

i am lost. i do not know what im doing, everyday Just passes like that, like very meaningless. i do not know what i want to be in the future, i am so aimless. every once in a while i just feel like want to shut myself in a room and cry myself out, i do not know what and why im crying for, but i just want to cry, guess it's hormone's fault. i admire those who have everything planned in their lives, all they have to do is just follow exactly to the plan. but it might be a little boring you know, when u have everything planned, but what i envy about them is that they knew exactly who they are, and what they wanted to be in the future. people thought im on way to my dream destination, but here i am, wandering and lost on the streets. I do know one thing though, the fact that i want to get out of this fucking school as soon as possible. I hate this place, like every inches of it, and it sucks to the max. i just want to get the hell out of this place asap. There's nothing im gonna miss about this school. its kinda depressing when you see people keep on studying, like their eyes are literally few cm away from the books, the more i look at them, the more depressed i get. Not trying to say that study is a fault, but i just don't like the fact that people are trying so hard, but im doing nothing except giggling and keep on talking nonsense there. How i wish i was blind and deaf at the same time, it's good not to see this and hear all the harsh comments from others. I mighy seem a bit lost, but i do know life isn't about books, it's about how you appreciate things with your own heart, it's all about giving not about merely taking, Life should be more beautiful, and to fill your lives with all studies, thats too pathetic. so in the end, i guess im not that lost at all, well maybe, i guess.

bucket list.

we might think that we are still young, still early to carry everything on the shoulders, but eventually people live and die. we never know what's going to happen next, so it is always wise to live life to the fullest, appreciate the things and people around you, and don't ever take them for granted. and as u guys know, live life the fullest has always been my motto, so i have made myself a bucket list, a list comprises of things that u feel like want to do before i die. didn't guarantee i will accomplish every single thing listed below, but still i will try my best to accomplished it before i die. lol as if i know when im going to die. so enough with the nonsense, i hereby present u my bucket list.

1. bungee jumping (hopefully im brave enough to do this. don't want to be the first ppl die due to shock of Bungee jumping.)

2. sky diving (have already watched a footage of ppl doing this in YouTube, and its freaking awesome!)

3. scuba diving (it's always been my dream to be able to dive and see how magnificent it is under the sea.)

4. kiss a dolphin ( it's like the cutest creature in the world.)

5. raise a snake or iguana as pet. (well if only im rich enough to afford these pets, not sure about the iguana, but the food for the snakes are prettt costly, gggrrr, wouldn't it be nice to be a snake, just wait for ppl to feed u. ggrrr.

6. overcome my ranidaphobia and Scoliodentosaurophobia. ( like touching a frog and lizard, ewwwww!  so unacceptable! but i will see it as a challenge, LOL a Huge one.)

7. give people free hugs (i can't afford to give free food, but i can give free hugs! :-D )

8. randomly grab a guy from the street and kiss him. (maybe i will do this in the london street. lol. whuuut? why london?errrrmm, because it sounds romantinc? mostly because i won't get sued for randomly kissing people. lol!)

9. go to big bang concert (am a huge fan of them, being able to go to their concert is like dream come true!)

10. tell my first boyfriend that he has small dick. ( lol, hahhahaha his reaction will be epic xD )

11. being able to travel over the globe. :)

12. see an aurora with my own eyes! :)

13. be a part of any charity work, i wanted to spread the positivity to other ppl as well. :)

14. prank call justin bieber

15. to visit a sex store for once, like seriously im curious how all those things look like. hahhahhaha.

16. to have a projector at home, and make a room into a mini cinema.

lol, so here are the 16 things i wanted to do, just thinking of it already makes me excited. " we are not given a good life, but it's our choice to make it good or bad." awesome isnt it? so, its all depends on us! dont fill ur lives with regrets when u have so many chances to make it good. :)