Drunken Tiger, Yoon Mi Rae, Bizzy - The Cure (살자) MV [English subs + Rom...

a song that inspires u emotionally and spiritually. <3333 p="">

happy ending

when i was a kid, i liked to buy story books from the local bookstore.

I always ran to my mom, with several books in my hands and begged her to buy some for me.

Mom has always thought that buying stories books are a waste of money, but still she would reluctantly pay for me at the counter.

Of all the stories books i bought, SNOW WHITE instantly became my favourite of all. 

When i was a kid, i have always thought that to lead a life like snow white was totally a perfection.

Love at first sight, a prince charming who eventually came and save the damsel in distress, they got married and live happily ever after.
I have always been a big fan of happy ending, the novels the i read are always the one with happy ending.
But i guess there's no such thing as happy ending in the reality.
well, we never know what happen next in snow white.
did the prince die? or maybe he's having affair with someone else in the story. hmmm
well, i guess life can't be perfect.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

圣诞节快乐！虽然自己没有庆祝这个贴特别的节日，但是我还是想祝全天下的人圣诞节快乐 =)

不知不觉，2013年又要到尾声了。活了十九年，还是那一句老话，光阴似箭，岁月不饶人啊！明年开始就是一个二十岁的人了，而我还要走一段好长的路才能到达我人生的目标。

前几天在wechat看到有一个朋友是这么写着：其实世界很简单，复杂的是人类。

没错，复杂的是人类。

这个世界原本很美好。但是有时候，人类的贪婪、欲望、还有自私的想法丑化了我们的世界。

有人说， 人是万物之灵。但是我想说，如果人被自己的欲望给蒙上了眼睛，那么到时候他跟一只野兽没有什么两样----想做什么就做什么，任由自己的欲望控制自己的所作所为，即便是伤害身边的人也无所谓。

有时候，我不说不代表我不在意。

我不闻不问不是我不想帮，我只是受够了所有的猜疑与谩骂。

心累了，但是还要用一副无所谓的样子来武装自己。

结果，闹了老半天，还是那一句老套话——烦。

生命

对于生命，我领会的不多。

我知道生老病死是人生的必经过程。

但是，对于死亡，我想我还是害怕的。

几天前，我看完了港剧《on call 36小时II》，结局嘛也算是happy ending，唯一的遗憾就是剧中的车车因为脑癌而不幸逝世了。

其实在剧中，她是在小时候就患上脑癌了，只是因为肿瘤张在脑部比较棘手的地方所以要完全切除肿瘤是不可能的事。当时医生说她最多只能活十年。

虽然如此，但是她依然尽她所能去帮助她身边的人，把快乐散播出去。我想她在那十年间是活的很开心的。

起初看着出港剧的时候，我以为奇迹会出现，怎么知道到最后她还是死了。

我以为我不会哭，怎知我的眼泪是多么地没有骨气。

伤心，不是因为她死了，而是看见她喜欢的人在最后一刻崩溃的那一刻，是多么的让人心疼。

对于，生命，我领会的不多，但是我知道看见自己心爱的人躺在病床上的那一幕真的不好受。

我也经历过这难熬的时候。去年的时候，我的阿公因为身体越来越虚弱而住院了。

做了七个小时的车程，再去到医院看到他的那一刻，说真的我很想哭。

我是个不善于表达自己感情的人， 也不喜欢在一大班的人的面前哭，那时候的我，只好忍住眼泪，不让它掉下来。

我曾经想过要他参加我的大学毕业典礼，我想那会是一件让他多么开心的事。只可惜，我的以为只是我以为。心里也有许多话想说，只是，已经来不及了。

生命是脆弱的，我们惟有珍惜当下，珍惜身边的人。 还未说的话就尽快说出口，不要像我一样，直到人不在了才知道有些话就算你想说也不会有人听了。=(

大扫除

转眼间，农历新年就要到了， 不过在那之前还有圣诞节。=)

所以呢，今天我跟我家老母还有老妹一起来来个大扫除。虽说是大扫除，不过我们花了差不多半天的时间才搞定一个房间。TT

我们先收拾大哥的房间，这么多房间就属他的房间最难收拾。不为什么，就因为那房间的东西实在是太多了！漫画、玩具模型，光是这些东西就花掉我们半天的时间了。

收拾好后，总共丢了两个大垃圾袋的东西。说真的有些东西的确还能够用，不过我还是决定丢掉。不为什么，就因为那些东西我不常用，堆在那里也只是浪费空间，所以还是丢掉吧！

其实我们人也是一样，也要定时为自己的心做大扫除。一些不好的回忆就把它丢进垃圾桶吧！什么东西的收着，最后只会使自己的心房装不下其他重要的东西。

所以不要犹豫丢到不要的东西，重新面对新的一天吧！ =)

=)

小时候，我们都知道 1+1 =2

但是长大了，我们才领悟到有时候 1+1 并不一定等于2，尤其是在感情的世界里。

我没拍过拖，也没有任何的恋爱的经验。如果你问我对于爱情这个东西有没有美好的憧憬，我想我会说：“有。 ”

在这个世界上有谁不想受到呵护与关爱？

有谁不想在疲惫的时候有个肩膀可以依靠？

只是有时候，憧憬还是逃不过现实而幻灭。

说我“少年不识愁滋味，为赋新词强说愁” 也可以，只是我身边有太多这样的例子，不尽让我有了些感慨。

如果你听过李圣杰的《最近》，里面有一句是这样写到的：

“ 你想要的我却不能够给你我全部，我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的。”

这就是为什么在感情的世界里，1+1 不会等于2, 就算你付出了你的全部，

不是对方想要的你所做的一切也只是徒劳。

往往， 你以为爱情只是两个人的事，但是这只是你一厢情愿的想法。

有些人希望爱情能够像一条小溪一样，慢慢的细水长流，享受简单的幸福。

而有些人则希望能够能够谈场轰轰烈烈的爱情。

对于一场细水长流的爱情感到乏味了，人总会在外头寻找一些“刺激”。

出轨，就像是爱情里的定时炸弹。

当你感觉到他或她的目光不再停留在你身上时，

当你感觉到他或她不再把关心留给你时的那种痛，我想是不能够用言语来形容的。

放手吧，如果这样的事情发生在你的身上的话。

不要作践自己低声下气去求多方回到你的身边。

我知道一时之间要你放下多年的感情不是一件容易的事情。

但是很多时候你所需要的是时间。

这个世界上没有谁没有了谁不能够活下去，如果你为了一个不爱你的人伤害自己，那么你只会让爱你的人操心。就像一个不合戴的戒指，就算给你戴了进去怎样？受伤的只是你那可怜的手指。

对于出轨的人，不管你以什么理由都好，出轨就是不对。

也许你认为你自己没有错，大家都是成年的人，有追求爱情的自由，但是我想问你背着你的良心做出这种的事情来，当初的那些山盟海誓抛到哪里去啦？

至于第三者，我心里真的有很多话想要跟你们说。

也许你是在破坏别人的感情里得到满足，或是你是爱疯了头，不管对方是不是有了另一半都决定一头栽下去。

如果你成功得到了你想要的，那么我恭喜你。如果你要沾沾自喜的就快点沾沾自喜吧，毕竟你以后要这么做也没有这个机会了。如果对方可以为了你而抛下自己的恋人时，那么有一天他也可以为了别人抛下你。=) 

如果你读着这一篇文章，如果你还单身，请你谨记要好好对待你的另一半，不要做些伤害对方的事情。

如果电脑前的你，是个有对象的人也请你把你的关心留给他/她一个人。

如果你是个即将要出轨的人，请你想一想你的新情人是不是值得你不顾一些抛下另一半。也学你在第三者的身上能够找到前所未有的刺激与轰轰烈烈的爱情，但是请你确定这是你想要的吗？如果餐餐都大鱼大肉，我想你没有多久就会想念吃清粥小菜的那种日子，那种简单幸福的日子。如果你看了，还是决定一意孤行的话，那么我应该恭喜你的另一半他/她成功甩开了一个没用的负心人。

还有成为别人的第三者的你，请你将心比心的想一想，如果有一天别人来破坏你的感情或是你的家庭，你会不会抓狂呢？还真的劝你三思而后行吧。为了一个负心人而背上“第三者”的罪名还真的是“值得”呢！=)

爱情这个东西，我想最算是世界上最聪明的人也不一定能够完完全全的了解它。

再加上我们的身边有着太多不幸的例子，虽然如此我还是衷心的祝福天下的有情人终成眷属，承诺不是用嘴巴说着玩的，而是要正正的去履行它那么才是真正的遵守承诺。=)

犯贱

“你不觉得今年过得特别快吗？”

“对咯，不懂做么会这样叻？感觉什么事情都没有做到就快要到年尾了。”

这是前几天我在车上听到我家老母跟大哥的对话。

的确，今年过得特别快， 也不知道是不是因为自己平时都在忙学校的东西所以才觉得时间过得比平时快。

那一天正式考完最后一科，踏出校门的那一刻，我对朋友说：“这真的是最后一次了。”

我还记得自从我第一次踏进校门的那一刻，我没有一刻不在抱怨这个学校的一切。

无可否认，我是真的很讨厌这个学校，但是到了最后一刻却有了莫名的不舍。

我不是机器人，说我对这里的东西没有感情是假的。

我会想念那个看起来像非法木屋的班，虽然是窄了些，而且每当一到热天就热到不行。

但是那一个班有着我们一年半的回忆。不爽的，打闹的，哭泣的，悲伤的，emo的 一幕幕都在那班里上映。虽然如此，我对这个班的记忆几乎都是高兴的。

天下无不散之宴席，有相遇就有离别。我想这个世界应该没有完美的告别方式吧，所以离别才总是伤感的。

在读书的时候总是想要假期快一点来，但是现在假期来了却不懂自己要做什么。

人就是这么的犯贱。;(

唉

无题

今天又上来做客了。很多时候，我不懂要写什么，但是心里总觉得自己总得要写什么，所以今天篇章的题目是《无题》。

很多时候，我脸上总是挂着笑容，其实我内心有很多我从未表达过的想法。有时候，我选择自己一个人面对这些问题，不为什么，只是很单纯的觉得说出来也对问题没有帮助。与其多一个人来为你烦恼，还不如自己烦恼就好了。在别人遇到困难的时候，我们往往会劝他们看开一点。但是，如果当自己遇到问题时，我们才会懂得原来看开一点，并不是一件容易的事。

所谓的看开，是逃避？还是一种欺骗自己的行为？那看开一点，是一种解决问题的方式？还是一种迫于无奈接受现实的一种行为？唉，还真的很纳闷。

crossing boundaries?

I believe in our lives, whether you like it or not, there are always a group of people who like to stand in our way and say something that discourage you.

I have come through a lot in my life, and sometimes i wish i could ignore them, But then, by doing this, you are literally giving them permission to cross your boundaries. 

When people want to talk bad about you, they don't do it in your face. So don't think i don't know you actually have a lot of comments on me.

You know what, don't think you are always right, you are just being over narcissistic. Guess what, i hate being the bad people, and definitely hate getting my hands dirty. So probably some other people will teach you a lesson on my behalf in the future. Trust me, if you do not know how to control yourself, you have only yourself to blame. Not everybody has an incredible tolerance towards jerks. I may not be perfect, but you have no right to judge me. thank you.

长大

还记得小时候，

我总是在想，

什么时候能够长大。

那时候的我不懂事，

总认为长大后能够做许多事情，

不用被大人约束，想做什么就做什么。

那时候的我，是多么渴望长大。

到我现在长大了，我却想一切返璞归真，回到那个无忧无虑的孩童时代。

人啊， 还真的是个充满矛盾的生物。

生活中出现暴风雨的时候，心理是多么渴望能够过个风平浪静的生活；

生活风平浪静的时候，却嫌弃这种烦闷的生活。

还小的时候，渴望长大；

长大了，却希望自己是个永远长不大的人。

长大后的世界有多么的复杂，我们都知道的。

小时候，我们认为人与人之间的交往可以很单纯。

但是长大后，我们才懂得，跟你嬉皮笑脸的人不一定都是跟你站在同一阵线的人。

长大了，我们才懂得最痛的不是敌人的恶意伤害，

而是最亲、最信任的人的背叛。

小时候我们都希望自己能够有很多的朋友。

但是，长大后自己就会懂得朋友多又怎样？

在你经历低潮的时候，有多少个会真正在你身边不离不弃的支持你？

朋友不需要多，只要找到几个知心的就好。

小时候，总会想要听到来自朋友、长辈、老师的赞美。

但是，长大后才知道，好听的话往往往往中听，但是并不一定真实。

长大的世界跟小孩的世界是两个迥然不同的世界。

这一路走来，形形色色的人我都看过。

虽然我不喜欢长大，但我了解长大只是生老病死的一个过程。

最算我再怎么不喜欢和抗拒，现在的每一分每一秒，我都在长大。

感谢那些曾经在我生命里出现的人。

不管你只是一个过客还是曾经对我来说是很重要的人。

感谢你们的出现，让我不再害怕面对长大。

感谢你们在我的生命里泛起涟漪，

让我学了很多宝贵的课堂。

也许，长大，并没有想象中的可怕。

life.

       just finished my exams for the third semester. and i have two papers to repeat for the coming weeks. hopefully i was going to pull it off despite i do all the revision at the eleventh hour. To be honest to say, im a little bit anxious about my life after i have finished my studies. im so lost that i don't know what should i do. and after that i need to held responsible for myself, need to do things on my own. obviously im lying if i said im not scare at all, but at the same time im looking forward for it, to explore what im capable of. :)

goodbye, halcyon days.

        Just few more weeks then i will be officially saying goodbye to my school life. I thought i was going to be happy, but in the end, i feel lost. I don't know where I'm heading to after this, it's like heading to the road of uncertainty. Afraid of changes, afraid of meeting new people and afraid of losing someone who's really important to me. Sooner or later we all will part on our own ways, and throughout the journey of life we meet new people and tends to forgot the old ones. i hate saying goodbyes and i hate separation more. Time flies, and one and a half year just gone, like that, in a blink of an eye. it's really annoying to say goodbye, but still all the best for all of us. Do not lose hope easily throughout the journey of achieving success. Do not lose yourself to obstacles. and i will always remember the time we spent together :) lots of loves.

back to reality

    when someone give u a slap in the face and ask you to wake up, don't hesitate to wake up. Because there are times u need to stand up and face the reality. It is cruel, but it teaches you to be strong when nobody else is on your side. you might feel like crying, so it's okay to cry, as it is a process of growing up. There's always a huge gap between ur world and fantasy and reality, and it's always there. Im the one who's stupid to ignore what's already there. i have no one to blame, it's my fault for being so naive.

heartstrings

      you pull on my heartstrings, and yet you never realized it.

      you are the one who make my everyday special, and yet you never realized it.

      you mean the world to me, and yet you never realized it.

       i have been dying to let you know, but afraid of knowing the answer, i stepped back.

      courage is what i need, but still i am too timid to say it out loud. so here i am, writing to you and knowing that you probably never going to read this, but still  : hey, i think i like you. <3

     

tired.

     Never thought that the time is passing so fast. It's almost year end already. I still remember the time i first got in this school and couldn't stop cursing at everything about this school, but now that my journey has almost come to an end already, and i think I'm going to miss my school life. the exams is just around the corner, and as much as i hate it, i need to face it anyway. ggrrrr. am so mentally exhausted. :-(

“人，总是要到了失去的时候才懂得珍惜。而有些感情，非得等到那个人不在了的时候才懂得领悟。”

examsssss

what's the last thing u want to face in your list? for me, it's definitely exam.Nobody likes exam im pretty sure of that, and i hate it to the max. i feel burdened and under pressure. That shitty feeling when u feel like u have plenty to revise and yet the exam is just around the corner. God damn me, i should have revised earlier. GGrrrr, i have no one to blame on except myself. what to do, this is what u get once u do not learn how to discipline yourself. k, need to do some revision now.  byee

感触

        前几天看了姚拓的 《墙头上的小红花》，感触良多。

         有时候，我会想活着是为了什么，我们活着要做什么才不会显得一无四处。再过几个月就要毕业了，我连我自己以后要读什么都感到非常迷惘。我害怕未知数、我害怕变化、但我更害怕我忘了活着的目的是为了什么。

        就像那墙头上的小红花，它是为了谁而开放？那人生又是为了什么？

        “为谁开放？谁也不为。为了开花而开花，开花本身就是它的一生的目的。那么，做一个人又何尝不是如此！”

        其实有时候，不要想太多也许是一件好事。

有时候

     小时候，我会为了一个玩具争个你死我活,也可以因为没有吃到想吃的棒棒糖而紧绷着脸。

     我会为了自己喜爱的卡通跟哥哥争电视看，结果到最后是自己哭着去找妈妈告状。

     小时候，我爱骑自行车，所以总爱霸着自行车，不给别人骑。最算妹妹怎么哀求我教她骑自行车，我都以没有空为由拒绝她。这样一来，我就不用担心没有自行车好骑。

     还有小时候总会在面包车经过家里的时候，嚷着老妈给我买着买那的，然后抱着一整袋的战利品，笑得跟一个傻子似的回家去。

      已经十多年了，但是这些点点滴滴我都还记得。不是因为那是什么特别的回忆，而是我觉得那时候的我，是最快乐的。

      人长大了，脑子里就会有许多的想法。总是在想有一天我要怎样怎样的，有一天我要什么什么的…… 小时侯，我们会为了一个炸鸡腿而高兴一整天，但是现在我们不会因为一餐温饱而感到满足。是我们变了？还是社会变了？

     长大了，思想变得更复杂了，这其实不是什么一件坏事……只是，有时候，我真的很想回到以前，做回那一个快乐的我。
    

fed up.

    There are times i wish i could be invisible so that no one would ever see me and annoy me. you may not know you have agitated me, but in my heart i wish i could choke you to death. If only staring could kill, you will be dead for countless time already. Never did someone in my life has ever annoyed me to this point, and tell you what, you are the first one. I have had enough of your drama, and like seriously i wish you could rethink how your attitude has annoyed others. If someone says he or she don't like you, it might be their own problems, but if all of the people loathed you, you should seriously get a mirror and see a reflection of yourself la. People have boundaries, and if you people be nice to you, make sure you watch your steps and do not ever cross the boundaries. I personally believe in karma, and hope karma will treat you right.

blood donation campaign :)

        So as usual, i reluctantly went to school and keeping my fingers crossed that i won't got fuck up today. I mean who knows shits happen, and i eventually got myself into a big trouble. That's the last thing ever i wanted to happen in my life, not in this school, where maniacs and pyscho gathered. lol. Ok so back to the title, our class were told that there will be a blood donation campaign next Wednesday, so i raise my hand without any hesitation that i wanted to join this program. I have always wanted to be a blood donor, but too bad i wasn't eligible to donate blood as im not old enough to do so. Though i have seen blood donation campain being held in the local supermarket but i was too timid to go myself, i mean i was alone, and donate blood without my parents consent, that is just too much, you know my mum is never a threat to me, but when she's serious, she can be a lion. now this time, the opportunity has came to me, and i know i should dare myself to do this, you know i have always wanted to help people, and it's somebody's life that you are saving, what is even more blessful than this? This time, i decided on my own that i wanted to join this, I'm a grown up, and i am doing things that i have always wanted to do. and hopefully I'm healthy enough to donate my blood, or else im going to be so devastated. lol, well, hopefully. :)

i just want to spend time alone

     A typical Tuesday, had everything planned, not sure whether I'm cursed or what,  there's always something or maybe someone who came and ruin the whole plan. Ok fine,  whatever I'm cursed so don't go near to me, u might ended up being cursed too.

      I wonder is there any cure for  laziness, I'm getting lazier by each day, finding all sorts of excuses to not to finish my homework,  like seriously I'm hopeless. I told myself not to be lazy but old habit dies hard,  so what to do? There's no one day I live with no guilt, oh I think I'm gonna die. Seeing people live their lives to the fullest makes me wanna cry of jealousy somemore,why can't I just be one of the girl who enjoys her life to the Max?  It's not like I don't like my life, but somehow I feel empty,  I have friends whom I love so much, but still I'm feeling empty. I need someone or maybe something that can motivate me, ggggrrr.

        I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a person who got envied easily, so when I look at you, it makes me feel like I'm nothing compared to you. You have everything a girl would die for, like almost everything. So I couldn't stop myself from admiring you. I wish I could be like you, but judging from who I am, I knew it's impossible. I knew my extent, and I know how far could I go, to be someone like you takes a lot of effort and persistence, thats what I'm lacking off. People said be it the fat belly, saggy body and chubby face,  eventually you will find somebody who don't really care at all, OK maybe that's true, but how many guys would  want a fatso with ugly face as their girl friend. Face the truth, life is a bitch and it always will be. thats how realistic guys are. OK enough With the grumbling ,time to do some house chores to kill time. Bye bitches.

I fucking hate homework

      Tell me how not to feel guilty when you had procrastinate for almost a freaking week? Somebody. Tell me pls, I am feeling freaking guilty now, fuck. OK I know I'm not supposed to whine  here, but who tell hell would want to spend their holidays with piles of  homework and assignment? I know some people couldn't live without homework, but trust me I am definitely  not that kind of person. And what is more devastating is when you know that you have exams waiting for you when the school starts next week. WELL  WELL let's see we have another thing to be added to the list liao, I fucking hate exams and homework. Why we have exams why can't We just study and then enjoy learning new things instead of being tortured to death for your lousy academic performance as people couldn't stop judging who you are based on your result? That is just so irony, not that I'm trying to persuade  people to give up their studies, but somehow studying is not about memorizing facts from text books, I mean everybody can do that, everything is given,   so what do you expect? Well, all I could say people have different pov regarding this matter,and you know what they are mentally sick . Well, let's hope they have a bright future. Despite the facts that they don't even know how to be a normal people, well they can't be normal they are just a bunch of kiasus who know nothing other than memorising facts from text book. I give you my empathy,  and I sincerely hope that you would wake up from that dream of yours, that being top scorer is everything in your live. You are dumb, for real, you are really dumb. Nahhhhh, can Somebody tell me why is this GO keyboard so fucking hard to use? Keep on having serious typo ah. Asshole.

旧梦依稀 往事迷离
春花秋月里 如雾里看花
水中望月 飘来又浮去
君来有声 君去无语
翻云覆雨里
虽两情相惜 两心相怡
得来复失去
有诗待和 有歌待应
有心待相系
望长相思 望长相守
却空留琴与笛
以情相悦 以心相许
以身相偎依
愿勿相忘 愿勿相负
又奈何恨与欺
得非所愿 愿非所得
看命运嘲弄 造化游戏
真情诺诺
终于 随乱红 飞花去

期盼明月 期盼朝阳
期盼春风浴
可逆风不解 挟雨伴雪
摧梅折枝去
凤凰于飞 翙翙其羽
远去无痕迹
听梧桐细雨 瑟瑟其叶
随风摇记忆
梧桐细雨 瑟瑟其叶
随风摇记忆 

the dream man.

i was often asked what kind of guys would i like to date with, and guess what, the first thing that ever came o my mind is EVERY HOT HOLLYWOOD stars you can think of.you know la Hugh Jackman is definitely on the list, Chris Hemsworth, Jason statham, Vin diesel, Dwayne Johnson. It's not difficult what's common in them, as they are all muscular guy! yes, im not afraid to say that i like muscular guys, like SO MUCH! *drooling. xD

well, physically, i like guys who are tall and have a well build body, it's better if you have muscles, but then if you don't have, its ok, don't be to skinny or fat. A little fat is good, but not too much. hahaha i sound like im buying meat at market.  Errr from the aspect of personalities and attitude, i like guys who love animals, a guy who is caring, and hardworking as well! and he must not be over thrifty and selfish. i mean what kind of girls would want selfish guy as their boyfriend?

But when the time has come, for you to fall in love, all that you cared about, don't matter anymore. He might be the baddest guy and with the lousiest attitude, but still you love him. All of these may seem nonsense, but one day you'll know. and here i am too, waiting for the mr right to come, to explore the answer together.
:)

give and take.

We know that we are always encourage to give rather than keep on taking from others. Whatever that is, who else in the world would constantly give away without hoping anything in return? There might be some people who can do this, but sadly human being is a selfish creature, being selfish is what they are good at. It is always a courtesy to appreciate someone when they offer us something, be it the smallest thing in the world or whatever it is, we should be thankful and feel blessed. But there are people whose greed has empowered their thinking, they keep on asking for more, they take without having a thought of giving back. You know people shouldn't have treat u good, but when they did, it's time for u to give back. Don't take them for granted, u know they are not obliged to be nice to u, if u don't appreciate it, you will be losing them one day, and it's just the matter of time when thag happen.

Monday blues.

        Blue is such a beautiful and vivid colour, isn't it?

         i mean like there are beautiful things in the nature are blue in colours, for instance, the ocean, the sky... it's all blue! :)

         But when Blue meets Monday, it became a disaster! yeah, what im trying to say is that i have monday blues! I always have monday blues, but today is a serious one. There will always be one day in your life, a day where all the shits happen at once. so yeah, the term 2 results will be announced tomorrow. Such a pain in the arse. I know how i did during the examination, so i know shitty things will happen tomorrow. yeah fuck u, and fuck everyone else. I screwed up.

        But whatever, im still me, but let me be emo for now. Once i feel better i will be me again! lol. funny. ==

Any little things.

Be thankful for any things that happened in your lives, for they happened for reasons. Be thankful for anybody you come and stay in your lives, you know there are times they could just leave you and go but they stayed. Be thankful for those who lend you a hand when you are in a dire situation, i mean they know they don't have to do so, but in the end they still help you and hoping nothing in return. Be thankful for those who scold you for any mistakes who have done in your lives, because this shows that they care.  Be thankful for those who discriminate and look down upon you, as they actually drive us to be a better person in the future. Be thankful for those who loved us, for their love is worth than anything else in the world.  everyday,I am trying my best to learn in every way i could to appreciate every little things that happened in my life, even if it's a simple meal, i should be thankful that there's actually something clean and edible that goes into my stomach. I know im much more luckier compare to those who don't have things to eat. So, be thankful, things happened for a reason, and sometimes u learnt something from it.. :)

comfort zone

People used to say that life only begins when you learn to stay out of your comfort zone. and frankly speaking, i might seem a bit crazy, but then in real life i am actually quite timid. I have fear of meeting new people, and i hate the moment when i got disgraced for getting the wrong answers or saying the wrong things at the wrong times. i hate it when people said i was wrong, and i hate it when people talk like as if they are always right. I hate the idea of meeting new people, and im always contented with my social circle.  I guess this is a sign that i haven't step out of my comfort zone. I always complaint things don't turn out right, and never realizing the fact that things won't always turn out the way i want because i want them to turn out the way i want. I hate fitting myself in the new environment, but i never realize that it is actually a process of growing up, see how well could you adapt to the new environment. I hate meeting new people, but i never realize the fact that these people whom i claim as strangers could actually be someone who teach us new things in life. i loath those who are selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, but i never realize the fact that i should thank them instead, as they make me realize that not to be a pain in the ass no matter what happen. Before this, i used to think that everything should work out the way i want, i want people to obey me. But then that was so silly la to be honest to tell, lol. Hahha, But then i promise myself i seriously need to step out of my comfort zone and learn to absorb anything like a dry sponge, the eagerness of learning something new.No more backing off, no more coward, no more dramasss. be a butterfly that breaks the cocoon, spread its wings and fly :)

planned vs unplanned.

a classmate of mine literally asked me whether i would planned everything for myself in the future so i would just follow exactly what is being planned in the plan. I might be someone who has a lot of ideas, but i am definitely not the one who got everything planned in the future. I am not trying to say that getting everything planned is not good, but then life is not what as we know it, life is full of variables, and you never know what is going to happen next, and let say if you are a rule abiding people, that will be a huge disaster for you, i mean letting those variable ruin your plan, that must be something terrible for them. Don't like the ideas of getting everything planned doesn't mean that we can't actually have the idea of planning something we want to do in the future. getting everything planned is boring, but then planning what you want to achieve in the future is good, but you shouldn't go over the edge to have everything in your life nicely planned. Life isn't about planning, it's all about all the ups and downs, it's about all the unexpected things that happen in life which sometimes make u want to smile, get angry at or to cry over it. that's life.

lost.

i am lost. i do not know what im doing, everyday Just passes like that, like very meaningless. i do not know what i want to be in the future, i am so aimless. every once in a while i just feel like want to shut myself in a room and cry myself out, i do not know what and why im crying for, but i just want to cry, guess it's hormone's fault. i admire those who have everything planned in their lives, all they have to do is just follow exactly to the plan. but it might be a little boring you know, when u have everything planned, but what i envy about them is that they knew exactly who they are, and what they wanted to be in the future. people thought im on way to my dream destination, but here i am, wandering and lost on the streets. I do know one thing though, the fact that i want to get out of this fucking school as soon as possible. I hate this place, like every inches of it, and it sucks to the max. i just want to get the hell out of this place asap. There's nothing im gonna miss about this school. its kinda depressing when you see people keep on studying, like their eyes are literally few cm away from the books, the more i look at them, the more depressed i get. Not trying to say that study is a fault, but i just don't like the fact that people are trying so hard, but im doing nothing except giggling and keep on talking nonsense there. How i wish i was blind and deaf at the same time, it's good not to see this and hear all the harsh comments from others. I mighy seem a bit lost, but i do know life isn't about books, it's about how you appreciate things with your own heart, it's all about giving not about merely taking, Life should be more beautiful, and to fill your lives with all studies, thats too pathetic. so in the end, i guess im not that lost at all, well maybe, i guess.

bucket list.

we might think that we are still young, still early to carry everything on the shoulders, but eventually people live and die. we never know what's going to happen next, so it is always wise to live life to the fullest, appreciate the things and people around you, and don't ever take them for granted. and as u guys know, live life the fullest has always been my motto, so i have made myself a bucket list, a list comprises of things that u feel like want to do before i die. didn't guarantee i will accomplish every single thing listed below, but still i will try my best to accomplished it before i die. lol as if i know when im going to die. so enough with the nonsense, i hereby present u my bucket list.

1. bungee jumping (hopefully im brave enough to do this. don't want to be the first ppl die due to shock of Bungee jumping.)

2. sky diving (have already watched a footage of ppl doing this in YouTube, and its freaking awesome!)

3. scuba diving (it's always been my dream to be able to dive and see how magnificent it is under the sea.)

4. kiss a dolphin ( it's like the cutest creature in the world.)

5. raise a snake or iguana as pet. (well if only im rich enough to afford these pets, not sure about the iguana, but the food for the snakes are prettt costly, gggrrr, wouldn't it be nice to be a snake, just wait for ppl to feed u. ggrrr.

6. overcome my ranidaphobia and Scoliodentosaurophobia. ( like touching a frog and lizard, ewwwww!  so unacceptable! but i will see it as a challenge, LOL a Huge one.)

7. give people free hugs (i can't afford to give free food, but i can give free hugs! :-D )

8. randomly grab a guy from the street and kiss him. (maybe i will do this in the london street. lol. whuuut? why london?errrrmm, because it sounds romantinc? mostly because i won't get sued for randomly kissing people. lol!)

9. go to big bang concert (am a huge fan of them, being able to go to their concert is like dream come true!)

10. tell my first boyfriend that he has small dick. ( lol, hahhahaha his reaction will be epic xD )

11. being able to travel over the globe. :)

12. see an aurora with my own eyes! :)

13. be a part of any charity work, i wanted to spread the positivity to other ppl as well. :)

14. prank call justin bieber

15. to visit a sex store for once, like seriously im curious how all those things look like. hahhahhaha.

16. to have a projector at home, and make a room into a mini cinema.

lol, so here are the 16 things i wanted to do, just thinking of it already makes me excited. " we are not given a good life, but it's our choice to make it good or bad." awesome isnt it? so, its all depends on us! dont fill ur lives with regrets when u have so many chances to make it good. :)

i will prove u wrong

u never know how much words could hurt somebody, even if u don't think those words could ever leave side effects to those who hear it, but eventually people got hurt even at the slightest touch what more to say those words are as sharp as a knife. Just because i put on smiles on my face everyday, or just for the sake that i laugh at the silliest jokes ever in the world, doesn't mean that u can disrespect me. i am too, a human, just like anyone out there, i have feelings too. your words literally make me feel like im born for nothing, im born useless. But thanks for the words, it actually makes me want to work harder, to prove that what u say about me is soooooooo wrong. yeap, im soooooo going to prove u that u are wrong. :) thanks jerk, thanks a lot.

选择

升上了中六，我以为我不会再跟华文这个科目有接触了。那时候还没进中六之前，朋友问我要不要报考华文。说真的，那时候我犹豫了片刻。我不是没听说过中六的华文有多难考，也不是没听过有多少对华文有一股热诚的学生最终因为华文太难考而打退堂鼓。但，那都是旧一批考生所遇到的问题，那我们这一批的中六生是用新的学期制来考试，我想以上的问题应该不会出现，而且当时我spm的华文那一科也得了A，中六的华文应该难不倒我吧……而我就因为这样的“自以为是”的跟朋友确定说我会报考华文。当然申请报考华文的过程不是容易的，因为我们的热诚不断被一些脑残的人打压。在他们的眼里，华文是多余的一科，在他们的眼里，华文是一个对未来没有用的科目。所以当那里的学生听到我们要报考华文后，他们几乎用不可思议的眼神来看我们。也许在他们的眼中，我们真的是不知死的一群人。到后来我们正式拿到课本的时候，我才知道为什么那么多人读到一半就选择退出了。因为它跟我们之前所读的华文，简直是天差地远。那密密麻麻的字，那不曾见过的名字……所有所有的一切，说真的，是真的很辛苦……看到自己上一学期的成绩，更是给我泼了一桶冷水。

不知道是不是人们说的，当你长大后，以后你思考的模式也会跟着改变。要是以前的我，一定会为这成绩臭着脸一个星期。但是，我想通了。不要为成绩而活。对，我们是学生，所以我们的这责任就是把书读好，没错。但是现在很多人都是为了成绩而读书。无可否认，好的成绩能让你进到你梦寐以求的大学和你想要读的科系，但是成绩不是你生命的全部。读书只是一个过程，只要自己尽力了，那又有什么遗憾可言？

对于华语跟其他的科目，我也是保持着这样的态度，我不要考到最好，我只求尽自己的力做到最好。有人曾经问过我：“做么你要读华文？华文有什么用？反正会说就好了 。” 那我可以跟你说：“因为我是华人。因为我是个不忘根，不忘本的华人，也因为我的身体里流着华人的血。为什么要报考华文？容易啊，难道你要等土著来考华文？会说基本的华语就好？那你跟会说华文的土著、印度人有什么分别？”

很可悲的是，华文已成为英文以外，最常受用的语言，就连老外也争着要学华文，而我们身旁却还有一些老说华文是个读来没用的科目的人。我们的祖先从中国过来马来西亚，他们虽然在这边工作，但是他们有忘过他们的根吗？他们没有。反而还极力争取以华文来做教学语言而做了许多的努力。但是你看看，现在有多少个人上了中学还会报考华文？就因为华文不是个正课所以就没有必要报考？就因为没有时间就不用读？那我问你，你用来上网的时间就不是时间？跟朋友聊天的时间就不是时间？时间是腾出来的，就看你有没有心罢了。

所以，各位，当你鄙视华文的同时，也请你看看你身份证，上面是不是写着cina，如果是的话那就请你三思。因为你鄙视的华文同时也在鄙视你自己。当你在鄙视一些报考华文，但不是考到很好的成绩的同学时，请你想一想，你有报考的勇气吗？当你一个学期要应付五个科目的时候，那种辛苦你体会得到了吗？没一个星期只上一次，而且还没有固定的地方上课，那种居无定所的心情，你们体会得到吗？你要笑我们？可以。但是请你也跟考试局报考华文，看你考什么成绩出来再来笑我。:D 有时候不是做每一件事情都要有一个理由的，就像别人说的，喜欢就喜欢，有什么理由？有时候做一件事情就是要有一股傻劲，如果你永远只想要很安全的走完你人生的道路，那我可以很肯定的告诉你，你的人生会很无趣。

明天就是考试的第一天，第一科就是华文。战友们，加 油！这是我们选择的道路，所以最算跪着也要把路走完！我们也是许不是最聪明的，但我为你们感到骄傲！因为我们是不怕死的华人！加油！！！！！！！！！！ :D

random

it's 10.50pm right now and instead of going to sleep, I'm still wide awake, doing my last minute revision. I know study at the eleventh hour doesn't help you to improve your mark. But still it is much more better than doing nothing. Mom have been asking me to do my best. and I have already promised me i will, whatever the result is, i know i have already done my best. I don't really like the idea of the purpose of study is to get All A's in your examination,well i know the grades play a crucial parts in your life, but ones should not see grades as their whole life. Enjoy study, and study because u love it, not on behalf of your parents, siblings or friends.Ones should know very clearly whats the purpose of study and not to let examination, grades or results to overweight your passion. A good result will determine which college or university you are going in your future. But one must bear in mind it doesn't change your life or future 100%-ly.

be strong, my friend.

There's a guy in my class, always sat quietly at the corner of the classroom, sometime he would just give a blank stare at the teacher, or maybe sometime he would said something funny out of blue, and makes the class suddenly burst into laughter. Sometime he would just stay quiet and do his own thing in the class. I seldom talk to him, but i know he's a nice guy. But of what i heard today, looks like he has his own story. at first, i thought he was just like any other kids in the class, but i was wrong. But of all the things you have gone through, you manage to pull it through. When you told me what happen today, you acted like you have used to it already, somehow i saw tears brimming your eyes. I'm deeply sorry for what had happened. I Am. Not sure whether you are going to read this or not, but what i want to say is that, be strong my friend. if you ever, feel like you can carry this burden anymore, i can lend you my ears. :) and thinking that you have come through all the hardships these years, im sure that you have become a stronger person.

ever since i started my school day here, i am honest to tell you that i was never happy about it. when i first got in here, i thought this place has what my former school lack of---- a better study environment, better teaching sources and better facilities. But start from the first day i step into the school compound, that's when i realize there's a huge gap between reality and imagination, and at the same time that's when i realize that i will never be able to turn my head around  and walk out of here. I made my decision, and i'm going to face it. But you know there are times the phrase 'easier said than done' run through my brain, life is never easy, and especially when people see you as a weirdo and you are constantly being discriminated for who you are, what you do and where you're from. I seriously do not know that being myself is a wrong thing to do in here, i wanted to feel lazy once in a blue moon that i would just ignore my homework and assignments for a whole day and keep my eyes on the tv and do whatever i want to feel comfortable. But being comfortable is like a mission impossible in here as there's always some individuals who would constantly lecture you, give you a piece of his mind--- to remind you that you have no time to be lazy, and being lazy is definitely not your thing. Apart from that, you will always be reminded of your responsibilities, that your value can only be proven by your exam results. Here i sense many doses of sarcasm. So what we can score better in our examination? Does that makes us a better person? Does that help us the won the noble prize? So a rapist can be exempted from punishment as he a top scorer in school? LOL. A top scorer only indicates that you have brilliant answering teachnique in exams, and sadly, from what i have saw, not many top scorer know how to respect others. Maybe they are too carried away by their performance,  This is why i see nothing in this school as it doesn't look like how a  school would look like. I always see students carry books around, with a somehow depressed face, no interaction with people next to them. Even if they do, it's always about the questions they don't understand in their books. In my former school, we see people of different races mix together, chinese speaking malay or bahasa sarawak,and the malay learn to speak chinese. We might not be the most brilliant students ever, but it's the way that we mix with other people that makes us special and outstanding. We respect each other,  and we love to joke around with the teachers. The teachers here are more than just a teacher, they are our best friends, an individual who would lend us his or her hand when we are in a dire condition, a lighted candle in the dark that will show us the way when we are lost, a consultant that will always provide us the best advice when we needed someone to guide us. But here, i saw teachers who are doing his or her job quietly and i've seen no teachers would try to stand up and defense their students to fight for the students rights. But, time has proven that my hope are just a waste of time. I originally hope that this place is going to groom me into a better person, but instead of that, this place disappointed me. last but not least, all i want to say is that i might not be the best students in there, i might not be the most hardworking people in there,   and i do not have Albert Einstein's IQ, but i am who i am. and i'm proud of myself, and i will always be proud of who i am. :)

laughter is the best medicine

i was once told by a classmate of mine that my laughter was so special and unique, in a way that when i laugh, the people around me will start to laugh for no reason, even though it's the lamest jokes they have ever heard. upon hearing that, i feel a little bit delighted and overjoyed at the same time. You might ask me why would i be enlightened over a small compliment like that, for it is nothing special to be happy about. But you know what, this means a lot to me and it always will be. not because he praise at the way i laughed, it's because he said that i bring laughter to everybody else. this means a lot to me. as people have always said laughter is the best medicine to keep sorrow away, and if the people around me are able to put on the brightest smile on their faces despite how harsh the situation might be, that will be brilliant. we never know what might happen in the next minutes, but whatever it is, face it with positive attitude and let's spread the laughing virus to everybody else in the world, let the world be filled with joy and laughter. :)

a better future, for you and me.

all we ever want is a better place to live in the future. A place where people respect each other, love each other despite of their skin colours, believes and religious view. A place where there is no corruption, no discrimination, and accusations. A place which is free from pollution and harmful radiation. A place where people live together peacefully, where by the people are lead by wise leader. Is it so hard to seek for justice? sigh, disappointed.

Thank you

words couldn't express how much i have owed you guys.

thanks a lot for the celebration, it had definitely made my special day even more special.

it's like the best birthday ever in my life.

Thanks for being there whenever i needed someone to lean one.

Thanks for being the one who listened attentively to my problems.

Thanks for lending me your shoulders whenever i feel like wanted to cry.

THANKS, GUYS. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST PRESENTS IN MY LIFE. 

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Do you have any idea how to kill emo-ness. sigh, why is it so complicated. wish i have the courageous to go out of my comfort zone. sigh